He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
