Dual....:-)
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
