my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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