I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
