Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
