the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize