stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
