i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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