I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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