She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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