After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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