I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
