I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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