last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
