So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
