I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
why do cheetos always look like penises
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
