so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
