yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
