Small penises have feelings too.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
