Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
