we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My vagina is officially offended.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
