Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
