dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
