Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
