Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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