okay pat passed out under dana's car
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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