I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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