i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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