after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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