so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
