connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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