somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
