She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
