When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
