Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
