my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
