I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
