Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
as a side note pls kill me
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