My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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