The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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