Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
