I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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