I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
