Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
