I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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