I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
