hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The air taste purple.
Randomize
