On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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