have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
