There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
farters have to be the big spoon...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize