well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
