tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize