I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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