I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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