the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
