Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
