Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
