Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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