i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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