That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
