So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
