That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
