I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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