sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
