Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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