im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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