A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
