omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I smell stomach acid.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
