Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
