You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
