These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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